- The Silent Struggle: Many Nigerian men face mental health challenges in silence due to cultural expectations.
- Cultural Conditioning: From childhood, boys are taught to suppress emotions, leading to internalized feelings of shame and weakness.
- Breaking the Silence: Organizations are working to normalize therapy and provide safe spaces for men to open up.
- Economic Pressures: Financial burdens and societal expectations to provide contribute to men’s mental health struggles.
- Seeking Help: While therapy isn’t for everyone, finding healthy ways to cope, such as prayer, creative expression, or support groups, is crucial.
The Burden of ‘Man Must Not Cry’
Imagine a society where showing emotions is seen as a sign of weakness, especially for men. That’s the reality for many in Nigeria. From a young age, boys are taught to suppress their feelings, with phrases like ‘man no dey cry’ (a man doesn’t cry) drilled into them. This cultural conditioning creates generations of men who struggle to express their pain.
Dr. Miracle Ihuoma, a clinical psychologist in Lagos, emphasizes the impact of these cultural expectations. ‘Cultural expectations shape how individuals handle pain, fear, and sadness,’ she explains. This suppression can lead to devastating consequences, with men globally being more likely to die by suicide, according to the World Health Organization (WHO).
Job Loss and Isolation
Losing a job can be tough on anyone, but for men in Nigeria, it can feel like a complete failure. Ayomide Badmus*, a 34-year-old tech worker, experienced this firsthand when he lost his job during the pandemic. ‘I was the first son. Everyone depended on me. When I couldn’t provide anymore, I felt useless,’ he says. Instead of seeking help, Ayomide withdrew, isolating himself and contemplating ending his life.
Thankfully, a tweet about therapy changed his perspective. Ayomide joined an online support group and began therapy sessions, which he credits with saving his life. ‘I didn’t know how much I was carrying until I said it out loud,’ he shares.
Where Can Men Find Safe Spaces?
Therapy is still often seen as a luxury or something for ‘oyinbo people’ (foreigners). Many Nigerian men are hesitant to talk to strangers about their personal struggles. However, this perception is slowly changing, with organizations like Mentally Aware Nigeria, She Writes Woman, and The Psychosocial Hub offering free or subsidized sessions and anonymous hangouts for men.
Financial Stress and Societal Expectations
Marriage counselor Ojonimi Ojotule points out that men often keep their emotional struggles bottled up until they reach a breaking point. They carry the heavy burden of providing for their families, facing societal expectations of what a ‘real man’ should be.
Alternative Forms of Healing
Not every man feels comfortable sitting on a therapist’s couch, and that’s perfectly fine. Some find solace in prayer, while others open up at the gym, with their barber, or through creative expression. Gospel singer Zionkhimanee, for example, channels his emotions into his music. ‘I grew up where boys had to be hard,’ he says. ‘So I put my emotions into lyrics. That’s where I’m soft.’
What Can Women Do to Help?
Ajetunmobi Abolaji, a social worker at the Federal Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital, Yaba, Lagos, emphasizes the crucial role women play in supporting their husbands’ mental health. She advises women to be financially stable and emotionally strong, reducing the pressure on their husbands.
Moving Forward: A Call for Change
Younger Nigerian men are beginning to rewrite the script, choosing openness over silence. However, mental health support in Nigeria remains inadequate. Experts are calling for increased access to therapy, mental health days at work, and emotional literacy in schools.
It’s time for a national conversation about men’s mental health. By breaking the silence and providing support, we can help Nigerian men live healthier, happier lives.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy.